Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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