You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize