Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
