bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize