Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
