he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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