She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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