Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
