people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
