i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
