she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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