she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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