I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His nipple licking is glorious
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