I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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