Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
