so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
