Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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