you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
