I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
