I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
