Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
