Your mouth is God's brothel.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
