obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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