Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
