his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
