why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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