did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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