I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
