ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
