I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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