I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
