Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
