Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
