You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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