In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will be naked everywhere
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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