Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
