Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
