If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
