i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
