My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
