I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
