I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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