I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
