i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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