drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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