I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
