i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
