marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
