Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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