When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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