Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
