New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
