He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
