I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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