Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
