I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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