just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
