lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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