don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
