I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
