i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
