if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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