Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
im on a boat
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