I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize