I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
