his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
