I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
